Building Resiliency

"Strike three!"

"You were not selected for a part in the play."

"Your arm is broken so you won't be able to swim for six weeks."

Life can be disappointing. How are some people seemingly able to cope with little concern, while others struggle?

When people hear about resilience, what often comes to mind is grit. Although grit, or perseverance, is a part of resilience, being resilient is much more. Merriam-Webster defines resilience as, “an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change.” Research has found that resilience is a combination of characteristics that make it possible for people to bounce back, to persevere and to respond in a positive way to whatever life brings.

Gail Wagnild, RN, PhD, of The Resilience Center, online at www.resiliencecenter.com, has found that resilient people tend to share five characteristics. 

These five characteristics are: authenticity, purpose, perspective, perseverance and self-reliance. Underlying these characteristics is both a belief that we have the ability to change and direct our lives, and the awareness that the decisions we make affect what happens to us. The good news is that these characteristics can be taught and practiced. Wagnild and her colleague, Jean Wallace M.Ed, created a three-year resilience curriculum for youth in grades seven through nine. Outcomes from a study of the curriculum indicate that youth were able to continue to use skills they learned and apply them later in their lives to be more resilient.

Five characteristics of resiliency:

• Authenticity: What does it mean to be authentic? Authentic people know their core values and stand up honestly and openly for what they believe. Take a moment and think about the values you hold most dear, the values you don’t want to give up. Sometimes it is helpful to write a list. Knowing your authentic values can be a powerful tool in decision making. When faced with making a decision, consider how it reflects your values. Authentic people stay true to themselves and their values despite outside pressures. Being authentic takes courage.
• Purpose: Having a clear sense of purpose is important in practicing resiliency. People who know their purpose are able to recognize what they love to do or activities that make their hearts sing. People identify their purpose when they act authentically and pay attention to opportunities that honor their authentic values. It is also important to remember that as we grow and change, so will our purpose.
• Perspective: Maintaining perspective is being able to see an event or decision from more than one point of view. People create stress and stories around events that can be either positive or negative. Resilient people usually look for a positive way to perceive any experience, and consciously seek out more than one point of view. They approach life with equanimity, waiting to respond to events until they are able to see how their response might affect the outcome.
• Perseverance: Perseverance is practicing grit, not giving up. Resilient people show perseverance when working toward meaningful goals and focus their time and energy on what is most important. They learn and grow from experiences and continue to work toward meaningful goals. It is easier to persevere, even through unpleasant tasks, when helping to achieve something meaningful.
• Self-reliance: Self-reliance is the one characteristic that cannot be taught. It is learned through experience. Resilient people choose to learn and grow from experiences and have gained confidence in their ability to make it through. Because they have practiced making authentic and purposeful decisions, they know they can do so again. Self-reliance takes practice and experience. One way to practice is to try something new and see it as an opportunity to learn and grow.

In addition to practicing authenticity, purpose, perspective, perseverance and self-reliance, other supports can also positively impact an individual’s ability to practice resilience. One way is to take care of your physical and emotional health by making healthy food and nutrition choices, engaging in physical activity at least three or four times per week, and practicing healthy sleeping habits. Another important support is to foster relationships with friends and family who care about you, make you feel good about yourself, and who you can depend on and trust if help is needed. It is also important to engage in activities that are fulfilling and enjoyable. Resilient people develop hobbies they authentically enjoy and find a way to use their talents and abilities. Finally, resilient people consciously choose to balance responsibilities, rest, and recreation. The old adage about “all work and no play” is true. If rest and recreation are neglected, it may be more difficult to respond with resilience when life feels like a struggle.

People can help youth develop resilience by practicing each of the five characteristics of resiliency and modeling resilient behavior. Communication about building resiliency, and teaching youth how to exercise the characteristics should happen during and after events where coping skills are needed, like the examples listed in the introduction. Adults can share a similar experience and outcomes to illustrate resilient choices, as children learn when others share their own decision-making process and experiences.